By Travis M. Andrews
When you asked what his biggest fear was, he responded with, “The hook! The hook!”
He is as slippery to the touch as he is concerning the details of his life.
Even though you’ve been chatting for weeks, he continuously cancels your first date, often complaining of pain in his swimbladder.
He lives at the bottom of a lake. And though he claims he’s a doctor, he’s actually a fish.
When you look him up on Facebook, you notice he’s part of the order Siluriformes.
In place of arms, skin, and a beard, he sports ray fins, scales, and whiskers.
His profile simply reads “Swipe left if u h8 bottom feeders lol.”
His Tinder picture is a photo of a catfish.
Travis M. Andrews is a co-founder of Or Something, an editor for Southern Living and a pop culture contributor for Mashable. Follow him on Twitter @travismandrews.